Have you ever cut your nails and found yourself INCAPABLE OF EVEN SIMPLE TASKS due to the sudden and total lack of nail leverage?

I have.

And then one day, I tired of the tyranny of the nail clippers. I had a dream — a dream of a time when nails would no longer be periodically too short. And on that very day I invented the New System of Staggered Nail Clippering.

The System:
1. Carefully observe SYNCHRONIZED NAIL GROWTH until nails entered The Sweet Spot (see graph below). Note that this may require CONTINUOUSLY STARING AT YOUR FINGERNAILS FOR A MONTH.
2. Now cut fingernails normally, when they get too long, on a per hand basis.

The Key Observation of this system is that not ALL nails need be of “prying length.” In practice if only one hand’s worth of nails is in “The Sweet Spot,” the satisfaction reached will be ALMOST EQUAL to that provided by two hands worth of sweet-spot nails.
THEREFORE by staggering the cutting with an “Alternating Nail Clip Schedule,” one can ensure that one hand’s nails are just entering the sweet spot whenever the other hand’s nails are being clipped. With this system, one can spend in net the SAME AMOUNT OF TIME CUTTING NAILS but gain DOUBLE the nail satisfaction.